My First Dictionary

Today's word is lie

2011-11-30T15:49:00.001Z

Today's word is backpedal

2011-11-07T23:27:00.000Z

Sometimes I have second thoughts. Sometimes I also have second helpings... but let’s concentrate on the thoughts for the moment before I make myself hungry. Specifically, let’s concentrate on yesterday’s thoughts – or, rather, today’s thoughts on yesterday’s post.

Was it too much? Was it not funny? Well, it wasn’t very subtle, certainly. And it wasn’t hugely funny, although I’d defend that one by pointing out that MFD isn’t always “funny” – sometimes I just get a kick out of the potentially disturbing juxtaposition of weird situations and cute pictures. Believe it or not, however, yesterday’s post wasn’t the first draft of the basic idea. I previously played around with some slightly softer scenarios, like this one:

My question to you is: Which of these two versions do you prefer? The milder but more left-to-your-imagination “hot tub” or the original “crying boy”? I’ll not make it a poll or anything, but please do let me know your thoughts.

Oh, and just in case you were upset...

Today's word is bough

2011-11-06T19:52:00.000Z

Today's word is healthy

2011-09-06T22:02:00.001+01:00

Today's word is agree

2011-07-14T17:14:00.000+01:00

Today's word is shock

2011-06-09T21:04:00.000+01:00

Today's word is puff

2011-05-14T12:17:00.001+01:00

Today's word is require

2011-05-05T17:19:00.000+01:00

Today's word is doubt

2011-04-02T18:03:00.000+01:00

Today's word is apt

2011-03-30T23:41:00.000+01:00

Today's word is most

2011-03-21T23:37:00.000Z

Shame!

2011-03-10T12:32:00.002Z

It’s happened. The first complaint about the content of My First Dictionary... the book.

Fortunately, bookstore owner and blogger Josie Leavitt – who describes her encounter with an unhappy customer in the article “A Censorship Issue” over at Publishers Weekly – is the level-headed sort, and recognizes that it’s simply wrong to let one person decide what books other people can and cannot read.

But I can sympathize with her niggling feeling of uncertainty when faced with an upset parent. While part of me feels secretly thrilled to have enraged a likely member of the self-righteous brigade, I don’t set out to genuinely distress anyone. Actually, I began MFD with the hope of making you laugh. Not everyone will, and that’s fine. Humour’s a personal thing. That’s why there’s no point telling someone else not to find something funny.

I’m glad Josie seems to have decided to continue stocking My First Dictionary. And I’m also glad she’s the kind of knowledgeable and enthusiastic bookseller who actually engages with her customers about the content of books when they come to her counter.

As a special thank-you, I’ll have to use her name in the next MFD entry. I’m thinking of featuring infanticide, necrophilia and, even worse, a spot of censorship.

Today's word is shoo

2011-03-08T18:49:00.000Z

Topical!

2011-02-28T21:00:00.000Z

Wow, how about those Oscars, huh?

Anyway, that’s my attempt at topical blogging over with. All I really have to say today is: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S BEEN A WHOLE YEAR SINCE THE GENIUSNESSNESS OF THE VERY US ARTISTS’ MY FIRST SING-ALONG DICTIONARY?!?!? Oops, seems I accidentally hit Caps Lock, italics, bold and several extra punctuation marks there, but the point remains... If you’ve forgotten just how good the gang’s gaggle of ditties based on MFD entries was, here’s a little reminder in the form of an album trailer:

Yes, an “album trailer”... Whatever will they think of next?

Today's word is transferable

2011-02-24T15:50:00.001Z

Today's word is street

2011-02-14T23:00:00.001Z

Today's word is useless

2011-02-07T23:50:00.000Z

Release!

2011-02-01T22:50:00.004Z

A quick post to let you know that the print version of My First Dictionary is indeed out today in spectacular bookular form. Thanks to everyone who’s bought (or plans to buy) a copy... I hope you enjoy it!

I also got my first review a couple of days ago, in The Boston Globe:

Click here to continue reading

Today's word is dear

2011-01-31T23:38:00.000Z

Incoming!

2011-01-30T20:00:00.002Z

With only a couple of days remaining until the release of the My First Dictionary book, I thought I’d give you a sneaky peek at the back cover:

Alongside words previously featured here on this very blog, the 192-page magnum opus comprises over 50% entirely new content, including vocab tests, flashcards and entries guaranteed never to appear online!

Who makes these guarantees? I DO! (Oh, and my publishing contract.) Besides, have you ever known italics to lie?

Nope.

Click here to buy, or check out your local Amazon.

Insight!

2011-01-25T23:23:00.000Z

Here’s a little treat for you today – a snippet from the genuine 1940s children’s dictionary that supplies the illustrations for My First Dictionary. As you can see, the original authors weren’t entirely without their own streak of black humour...

Today's word is nickname

2011-01-22T11:55:00.000Z

Today's word is discuss

2011-01-19T23:28:00.000Z

Today's word is stuck

2011-01-17T23:13:00.000Z

Today's word is duration

2011-01-15T00:01:00.001Z

Today's word is mischievous

2010-12-24T23:54:00.000Z

Today's word is patient

2010-12-15T11:49:00.002Z

Today's word is trip

2010-12-05T22:31:00.002Z

Today's word is bump

2010-11-28T23:58:00.000Z

Today's word is powder puff

2010-11-21T23:09:00.001Z

Today's word is suit

2010-11-14T23:01:00.003Z

Today's word is gawk

2010-11-07T22:48:00.000Z

Today's word is seconds

2010-10-30T22:39:00.001+01:00

Today's word is occupy

2010-10-24T09:29:00.001+01:00

Today's word is hurrah

2010-10-21T10:02:00.000+01:00

Today's word is pact

2010-10-13T11:25:00.002+01:00

Mystery!

2010-10-07T16:17:00.004+01:00

I’d like to point loyal My First Dictionary-heads in the direction of an upcoming project by the Very Us Artists, whom you’ll remember were responsible for the brilliantly twisted Sing-Along Dictionary songs earlier this year. Again mixing music, images and suitably dark reading material, they’ve conceived a unique, immersive experience called Foreshadows: The Ghosts of Zero, which, quite frankly, I can’t wait to get my hands, eyes and ears on... and possibly some other body parts too, depending on how much I like it.

Please check it out and, if you like the sound of it as much as I do, please also consider sponsoring it, for which you can receive all sorts of intriguing goodies – the best of which, to my mind, is an official My First Sing-Along Dictionary CD & book set. Yes, you really can get your mitts on one of these rare and wonderful items! But don’t do it because I want you to. Do it because you want you to... and I just know you do!

Today's word is take

2010-10-07T15:50:00.002+01:00

Today's word is magic

2010-09-23T16:48:00.001+01:00

Today's word is word

2010-09-07T18:51:00.001+01:00

Today's word is obliterate

2010-08-26T14:01:00.003+01:00

Today's word is arrive

2010-08-12T23:19:00.000+01:00

Today's word is want

2010-07-28T00:17:00.000+01:00

Today's word is repair

2010-07-14T23:05:00.002+01:00

Today's word is honest

2010-07-03T14:32:00.002+01:00

Today's song is anonymous

2010-06-22T15:10:00.004+01:00

“This Song Is Anonymous (We Do Not Know Its Name)” by ButterflyPolite.

Richard Smith’s competition-winning definition of anonymous inspired this delightful bit of bespoke pop, which could hardly be more different in tone to its creator’s previous song, “Happy Families Fade”. Parody or profundity... or a little of both? Have fun deciding, and visit the Very Us Artists song page for lyrics and insights.

Today's word is dwindled

2010-06-20T10:53:00.000+01:00

Today’s word is anonymous

2010-06-16T20:25:00.004+01:00

The above definition comes courtesy of Richard, whose competition-winning suggestion gave us a delicious case of the creeps, although we couldn’t quite put our fingers on why. In other words: perfect MFD material! I can’t wait to find out how Uglifruit of the Very Us Artists will set it to music but, luckily, we’ll only have to wait a week or so before the resulting song is magically posted here... Isn’t creative genius marvellous?

Richard, please get in touch using this contact page and we’ll pop your prize in the post once the CD’s been created. For the rest of those who entered, thanks for making it so hard to choose a winner. It really wasn’t easy. I loved the cleverness of Harrod’s “Gram-Gram is delusional. She thinks she is not in the facility” (talk about thinking outside the box there!) and lostophile’s “Johnny wears a uniform. His uniform helps him catch his victims off-guard” had an understated malicious streak to be proud of.

Jack Bush gave his definition a sly double-meaning in “Scout William wants to help Mrs. Billings with her shopping. He’s going to help himself to her bakery basket”, while bee’s “Scooter puts the cat in catering” line nearly made me LOL till some PP came out (“Scooter’s catering company makes the best appetizers. His paté is the talk of the town. Scooter puts the cat in catering”).

For sheer yuck-factor, I’m not sure you’ll beat: “The kitties smell food, but Aunt Maud has not been to the fishmonger’s today. Aunt Maud has questionable personal hygiene” (thanks to Fugitive) – although swishyhair certainly tries: “Charlie helps Aunt Agatha to carry her groceries home. Soon she will be carrying Charlie’s baby. Unfortunately, Charlie is also carrying syphilis”. Finally, Miscellaneous Fugitive offered an equally droll take on the scene with: “Mrs Rout always meant to read Scouting for Boys. Lord Baden-Powell was one of her heroes and she is proud to follow his example. She may have misinterpreted his intentions”.

Thanks again to everyone who entered. If you fancy a good laugh, have a read through the Comments on both of the previous posts and check out those submitted via Facebook... It’s even more bang for your MFD buck!

Reminder!

2010-06-07T23:56:00.003+01:00

Above: The picture you need to write a My First Dictionary-style definition for. Below: The amazing, unique prize you could win if you do!

Yes, there’s only a week left to enter the competition and, no, you’re not fantasizing – that really is a one-of-a-kind CD/book set containing all the My First Sing-Along Dictionary songs featured here over the last month PLUS an entirely new bonus song to be based on the winning caption submitted by a reader.

And, yes, they are in a picnic basket – but, no, that’s not part of the prize... Suckers!

Thanks to everyone who’s entered so far. There’s still time to get an entry in if you haven’t already – or another if you’re feeling particularly inspired. Just see the previous post for full details and bear in mind that the caption has to (a) define a word, and (b) sound like it might be from a real children’s dictionary, however twisted the subtext. (And remember: subtle suggestion is often the funnier way to go – something I should probably try to learn myself...)

Thanks also to John LaSala for not only producing the aforementioned CD but taking it on a picnic-themed photo shoot for the purposes of this post. I would’ve included the shots of him actually modelling the prize, but I decided to send them in to Tyra Banks instead, in the hope that the next cycle of America’s Next Top Model will concentrate on rugged, stubbly men whose oddly alluring grimaces exude a mixture of raw masculinity and, frankly, slight derangement. (Well, it’s the only way I have a chance of making it through to the finale, anyway.)

So get scribbling! Then maybe think about entering the competition... Good luck!

Today's word is...?

2010-05-31T12:51:00.004+01:00

Want to see YOUR My First Dictionary-style caption here? Want it to be turned into a song? Want a copy of that song on a limited-edition My First Sing-Along Dictionary CD with a lovely accompanying booklet?!

Well, you don’t want much, do you? But the good news is that all of these thrilling fantasies – and I know you dream about them nightly – can now become unequivocal realities, thanks to the My First Dictionary/Very Us Artists Collaborative Caption Competition Extravaganza Meltdown 2010! (Note to self: think of better title.)

Yes, you could be sitting there (or standing – it’s really up to you) listening to a song based on your very own MFD caption with your very own ears. Not only that, but it would appear as a bonus track on a CD containing all the Singalong songs thus far. All you have to do is come up with an amusing definition to accompany the above picture. Make it funny, make it mean, but above all, make it fit the MFD style, which means that, while you can pick any word you want, you do have to define it within your caption. (Take a look through past posts to get the feel if you’re not familiar.)

Get your entries in by 14 June (11pm BST) and one or more of the assorted Very Us Artists geniuses will write and record a song incorporating your definition, much in the same way as the last ten words have been set to marvellous musical accompaniment here at MFD. In fact, in exactly the same way. And, if you don’t believe me, have a listen.

I really couldn’t be more excited to see what you come up with and, thanks to the expressive tone of my writing, I know you didn’t just mistake my genuine enthusiasm for sarcasm there. Which it was... Honestly! (Oh dear, that seems to be making it worse.) In any case, there’s three ways to enter:

The old-fashioned way: Submit your idea in the Comments bit below.

The new-fangled way: Visit the Facebook page and leave your caption there.

The super-techno-fantastical-excitement way: Post the caption in your “Facebook status” along with a “link” to this post and a @My First Dictionary “tag”, thereby proving to your friends, family and own fragile ego how “with it” you are.

(I know which method I’d use, and it rhymes with “the pooper-hetero-testicle-excrement-gay” – although that’s hopefully a coincidence.)

The winning caption will be chosen using a special algorithm dreamt up by me and select members of the Very Us Artists whilst on the toilet, and posted here on or around 15 June, with the new song appearing a week or so later. Until then... enter! Enter twice! Email a friend and tell them to enter! Tweet and re-tweet, and then re-tweet that re-tweet until Twitter goes over capacity! Google Wave it, and then explain to me how Google Wave works! And then maybe have a lie down.

Here’s a preview of what the fabulous CD and booklet prize will look like:

And here’s how you would feel if you won it:

And if that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is.

Epilogue!

2010-05-30T09:00:00.001+01:00

The fat lady’s getting ready to sing a song about the Sing-Along Dictionary but, before she does, the Very Us Artists have one last little message for you all:

Many thanks again to all the VUArtists for spicing up My First Dictionary these past weeks, and especially to the twisted ringleader of the project, John LaSala. It’s back to the boring old, non-singing, non-dancing dictionary tomorrow, albeit with one fairly major difference: YOU get to pick the next word.

Yes, it’s caption competition time again! Remember last year? This time, however, there’s an actual prize at stake. And, no, I’m not telling you what it is. In fact, there aren’t even words to describe how exciting it is – and, being a dictionary blogger, I should know.

That’s right... I called myself a “dictionary blogger”. Deal with it, and see you tomorrow.

UPDATE: Just to clarify, the proper competition starts tomorrow with an all-new new picture. The image above is for illustration purposes only – although, seeing as we’ve already had two funny captions for it, feel free to practise!

Today's song is put

2010-05-21T05:29:00.002+01:00

“Everyone Loves Grandma (Put The Knife Down)”
by Colin Garvey.

Alas, today’s disturbing ditty marks the final collaboration between My First Dictionary and the über-talented Very Us Artists. You’ll be glad to hear we’re going out with a bang, however – even if it is the sound of a bloodstained basement door slamming shut! Visit Colin’s VUA song page for lyrics etc, and come back soon for a thrilling announcement...

Today's song is fade

2010-05-18T07:00:00.002+01:00

“Happy Families Fade” by Uglifruit.

Andy weaves a world of art-house melancholy from today’s simple line drawing, with a devastating little number that couldn’t be more aptly titled. Weep along with full lyrics (and interesting commentary) from the VUA song page:

Today's song is creative

2010-05-13T23:00:00.005+01:00

“The Vicissitudes Of A Creative Life” by John LaSala
& Ali Kilpatrick.

This macabre tale may be My First Dictionary’s first epic: a Machiavellian tale of music and murder that’s half ballroom, half Broadway, and all bloodcurdlingly clever. Visit the VUA song page for a closer look at the many lyrical twists and allusions...

Today's song is paranoid

2010-05-11T22:30:00.004+01:00

“Cave Canem” by Jeremy Simmons.

Jeremy’s ode to “dark, dog memories” – with added snuffling – gives today’s dip into My First Dictionary an enjoyably eerie edge... Check out the Very Us Artists song page for lyrics and more.

Today's song is sacrifice

2010-05-07T17:40:00.005+01:00

“Sacrifice: Hymn For Harvest Rain” by Bilian.

Bilian’s tongue-in-cheek warning on his VUA song page that “this record is not suitable for children” may just be the understatement of the year. When I first heard his twisted “hymn,” I wasn’t sure whether I was shaking with laughter or fear! Either way, I guarantee you’ve never heard anything like it before...

Today's song is crisis

2010-05-03T10:58:00.004+01:00

“The Midlife Crisis Song” by Joshua Wentz.

This melancholy tale takes us to visit Chico in the TV-lit gloom of his motel room one night... See the Very Us Artists song page for lyrics.

Today's song is prepare

2010-04-29T23:11:00.003+01:00

“Be Prepared For Anything” by Peter Fedofsky.

Peter’s sunny, sinister song lifts that yellow roller blind and drags you in through those blue curtains in a way that blew my mind. For his commentary (and full lyrics) visit the VUA song page.

Today's song is short

2010-04-26T14:52:00.006+01:00

“Matthew (Is Short Of One Block)” by Sudara.

I guarantee you’ll be humming this one for weeks, so visit the VUA song page for lyrics and info, and get ready for the funniest expletive-bleeping you’ve ever heard...

Today's song is rather

2010-04-20T18:00:00.011+01:00

“Mother Would Rather” by Nick Parton.

Visit the Very Us Artists song page for lyrics and more. Nick’s insanely catchy song was inspired by today’s word...

Sing Along with My First Dictionary and the Very Us Artists

2010-04-14T15:27:00.007+01:00

Warning: Today’s post is so exciting, I’m warning anyone with bladder weakness not to read it – or at least not to read it in public. Or to keep a milk bottle handy. Preferably an empty one. Why? Well, that’s between you and the milk bottle – which isn’t a place I’d care to be right now, incidentally – but, anyway, what’s so exciting about this post?

Back in December, I was approached by John LaSala of the staggeringly talented Very Us Artists, who had the gall to suggest that words and pictures alone simply weren’t powerful enough to adequately convey all the complex definitions My First Dictionary has been teaching you over the last year. What was needed, he postulated, was songs. You know, the kind with music... That, and it was nearly time for the annual RPM Challenge, wherein participating artists take it upon themselves to create an entire album in the space of February’s 28 days.

Why they do this, I’ve no idea. I wasn’t really listening. But I do know what it means for you, dear weak-bladdered MFD reader, and it’s very exciting indeed. Over the next month or so, you’ll be treated not only to your usual diet of lexicographical jollity, but each word will also be accompanied by a clever, hilarious or disturbing song – and, on occasion, one that’s all three (N.B. or just two). That’s ten new upcoming MFD entries for you* and ten fantastic songs to listen to... Does that make up for my irregular posting or what?!

I’ve heard all of the musical treats on the way and, lemme tell ya, they’re all amazing... Can I pick a favourite? That would be like picking a favourite child. And, as we all know, while everybody does that, they don’t tell anyone. So, no, I’m not telling. I’ll just give it better birthday presents. In any case, by way of introduction, here’s a little song to get you in the mood...

The Very Us Artists Have Cut A Record
(Click title for more about the song and project)

*Well, actually, it's nine more after today’s post, but ten just sounded better somehow.

Today's word is decide*

2010-04-08T20:36:00.003+01:00

*Lots to look forward to next week, when My First Dictionary gets a musical makeover!

Today's word is scheme

2010-03-25T12:42:00.002Z

Today's word is convenient

2010-03-17T22:53:00.001Z

Today's word is pray

2010-03-11T18:40:00.000Z

Today's word is adult

2010-03-04T23:10:00.000Z

Today's word is conceal

2010-02-26T23:07:00.001Z

Today's word is lid

2010-02-17T15:41:00.000Z

Today's word is wonder

2010-02-09T00:46:00.003Z

Today's word is metaphor

2010-02-02T23:23:00.002Z

Today's word is above*

2010-01-27T15:19:00.003Z

* Not a major entry today, but it's amazing what you
can do with a spare comma.

Today's word is corner

2010-01-23T00:15:00.001Z

Today's word is habit

2010-01-17T23:48:00.002Z

Today's word is visit

2010-01-10T23:04:00.000Z

Today's word is assignment

2010-01-07T23:44:00.002Z

Today's word is news

2010-01-05T23:03:00.000Z

Resolution!

2010-01-05T23:01:00.000Z

Happy New Year! As several readers noted, November and December were slow months for My First Dictionary but I’ll be endeavouring to update more often in 2010. The publication of MFD’s print version draws ever closer but, if all goes to plan, there should be a special, blog-only treat coming your way much sooner than that (next month, in fact). “Deets” to “follow”. Meanwhile, anyz drew my attention to this stunning animation in a My First Dictionary style... Enjoy!

Today's word is surprise

2009-12-16T14:51:00.001Z

Today's word is cover

2009-12-02T00:09:00.000Z

Today's word is inscrutable

2009-11-25T10:55:00.003Z

Today's word is better

2009-11-19T00:42:00.001Z

Today's word is name

2009-11-14T17:32:00.001Z

Today's word is done

2009-11-09T23:24:00.002Z

Today's word is description

2009-11-05T22:49:00.001Z

Today's word is house

2009-10-31T00:37:00.000Z

Today's word is warning

2009-10-30T00:23:00.001Z

Today's word is job

2009-10-28T17:47:00.001Z

Today's word is throw

2009-10-21T17:33:00.001+01:00

Today's word is wait

2009-10-17T13:07:00.000+01:00

Today's word is only

2009-10-14T23:42:00.000+01:00

Today's word is nine

2009-10-11T22:44:00.001+01:00

Q&A!

2009-10-11T00:04:00.004+01:00

Artist, film-fan and witty gentleman Paul D. Selman has interviewed me about My First Dictionary on his blog.

Today's word is almost

2009-10-08T17:50:00.001+01:00

Today's word is soundly

2009-10-05T22:43:00.002+01:00

Today's word is remember

2009-10-04T15:20:00.003+01:00

Today's word is forget

2009-10-01T23:24:00.000+01:00

Today's word is variety

2009-09-29T23:16:00.001+01:00

Today's word is consult

2009-09-27T22:34:00.000+01:00

Today's word is nostalgic

2009-09-25T23:47:00.000+01:00

Today's word is reasonable

2009-09-23T23:04:00.001+01:00